The Price We Pay

I'm such a butterfingers at times. I must have dropped my combs and clips I don't know how many times in the past two weeks, but you just pick them up and keep going (of course if I was working on an actually human I'd sterilise them first).
But today I did something stupid. It was a complete accident, but I dropped my hairdryer - badly. After the drop it made an awful noise when switched on and something inside it rattled where there was no rattling before. Sometime like that is a serious safety hazard (this week we've been doing health and safety in class) so I had to put a big "Do Not Use" sticker on it and will have to buy a new one.
A good hairdryer is pricey enough, anywhere from €70 upwards. At the moment that is money I can not comfortably afford to spend but I need the dryer for the course so - ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

I was chatting to the other girls in my course a bit about funds, fees etc. and it seems we're all in the same boat. We all had to take out loans to do this course. Hairdressing/barbering colleges here are privately run colleges and thus the fees are substantial and no government aid or support is available. We are all paying to be here because we want to be here. And it shows. We work hard and the course is intense. Of course it's natural that some will work harder than others and maybe some will find out only after it's all done that this isn't their path in life. Who knows?


For me, I truly want to be here.
I want to learn and I will struggle through the things I find hard to do. This is something that doesn't come easily for me but as I've gotten older I've pushed myself more and more to keep going at the things I want to do but that I'm not good at, or am slow to pick up, or am afraid of. When I was younger I wanted to be good at everything I did. I wanted to be really good, the best, and I was far too hard on myself. I was interested in so, so many things and wanted to be amazing at them all, all at once, and if I wasn't I would be disheartened at myself.
Over the years though I'd learnt not to be so hard on myself. To accept that I will be better at some things than others. To accept that there will nearly always be someone out there who's better than me and learns it faster. To know that and to still pursue the things I love.  I will work at them and not let them get the better of me.  I just take them one by one now instead of all together. For the most part I am more focused, and though something like my dryer breaking this morning can still get me down, I try to brush it off and just keep on keeping on.


Right now I'm finding sectioning work hard. I found it hard on day one and I still find it hard. It's when you run your finger along the scalp to separate the hair and create neat, clean partings/sectionings. It's something so simple and seems to come so naturally to everyone else in my class. It reminds me of when I used to do ju-jitsu and how, even as I got more advanced, I still couldn't do a straight tumble.


So I'll work harder at it. And if that doesn't work I'll work harder again. I'm giving up a lot to be here so I gotta work hard. And you know what Sectionings? Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of my life - you will be mine!


- BE